We give time and thought to our relationships with others, but rarely work on the relationship we have with ourselves. This is particularly noticeable when it comes to being kind to ourselves. People rarely give themselves the kindness they so liberally give to friends, family members, even strangers. It’s almost as if being stern and unyielding with ourselves is some kind of virtue. This poor self-treatment continues for those who have psychological disorders. Even when we know we’re having a hard time of “things”, we tend to beat ourselves up for not being at our best.
Many people with depression or other psychological disorders have harsh internal critics. These mental critics deliver cruel, inaccurate judgments, like:
- “You’ll never amount to anything”
- “You ruined your life”
- “You can’t do anything right”
- “You’re just lazy”
The negative messages a harsh internal critic can deliver are endless. They’re also destructive.
What is Self-Compassion?
Compassion is a feeling of sympathy and pity for another person. Self-compassion is simply a non-judgmental, sympathetic, and kind approach to one’s own distress and suffering. It is focused on helping and healing, as opposed to analysis and judgment. It’s also a helpful technique to silence a critical inner voice and heal self-esteem. It helps enable positive self-talk.
Self-compassion isn’t self-pity and it’s not self-esteem. Self-compassion is the kindness all people deserve because they’re human beings experiencing the difficulties that all people face. You don’t need any special traits or abilities to be worth of self-compassion. All people have struggles and problems, none of which are made better by harsh judgments or insults.
How do I Practice Self-Compassion?
Imagine that another person has your problems or is in your situation. Would you be comfortable delivering criticism to that person? Of course not! Instead, try treating yourself the way you’d treat another person who was in pain. What would you do to help them? Would you encourage them to forgive themselves of wrongs both real and imagined? Would you tell them you had faith in them? Extend the kindness and understanding you’d deliver to another person to yourself.
Being compassionate toward yourself isn’t particularly easy at first. Most of us have internalized a lot of cultural messages about what it means to be mentally tough and most of those messages are simply wrong. Psychological resilience can’t exist without self-compassion. Treating yourself well, like a worthy and valuable person, is absolutely essential to good mental health.
If you’re living with negative self-messaging and want to treat yourself better, consider learning to extend self-compassion. Damaris Aragon, ARNP, BC provides a full spectrum of mental health care to people in Spokane, Washington, and surrounding areas. She focuses on providing personalized, compassionate care that adheres to current evidence-based standards. Reach out to Damaris through her contact page or calling 509-342-6592.
