Everyone knows a person who’s always quick to anger. We might be one of those people ourselves. Chronic anger is one of the most difficult emotions to live with. It’s tiring for those experiencing it and those who are exposed to the ups and downs of a volatile person’s temper. For some of us, anger can feel like our default response to any stress and it doesn’t take much provocation to end up furious.

Depression May Fuel Anger

New research has shown that elevated anger levels may, in fact, be common to people with depression or anxiety disorders. Although it’s not typically considered to be one of depression or anxiety’s core symptoms, there’s new evidence that it co-occurs much more often than not. It’s not just a feeling of being annoyed, either. Researchers found that people with depression had a greater incidence of full-blow anger outbursts.

If anger underlies many instances of anxiety and depression, then we must adjust how we see those disorders. Anxiety, irritability and temper outbursts can themselves be symptoms of anxiety and depression. In fact, anger attacks can affect people just like anxiety attacks.

Like anxiety, anger outbursts may come from being overwhelmed emotionally. Anger serves as a means to push back against what the person sees as a threatening, overpowering force. Feelings of helplessness are common to both depression and anxiety. Anger, however misplaced, may feel like a way to resist being crushed under an unbearable burden.

What’s all that mean in a practical sense? If we understand that for people with chronic anger and irritability uses, depression may also be at work, then we’re able to fashion a better response. The key is empathy. It’s not easy to offer up a positive response when someone is angry, but demonstrating some empathy can de-escalate the situation and allow a return to a more level state.

Helping People Calm Down

Attempting to calm an angry person by minimizing their reason or right to be angry doesn’t work and usually provokes the opposite reaction. Showing empathy to an angry person reflects our understanding that they are having a hard time and even though they’re angry, we respect and validate them.

Have a look at these tips to help the angry person in your life regain self-control.

  • Never add fuel to the fire. A person who’s beset with anger is generating a lot of psychological energy. Adding energy to that fire isn’t going to help. Avoid saying things like “I need you to be calm,” or “Don’t be so upset.”
  • Don’t take things personally. Sure, that’s easy to say when it’s someone close to us that’s on a rampage, but at that moment, getting into a mud-slinging fight won’t help.
  • Let them know you’re there to help and ask what you can do to make things better.
  • Tell the person that you want to help things get better and will be glad to do so, once the anger levels drop a bit.
  • Validate their feelings with active listening and reflecting the content of their statements to them. For example, saying “I hear you saying you’re upset because the report is going to be late. How can I help with that?” lets the person know they’re being heard and that you’re interested in helping them.

Many times with anger attacks, fixing the originating issue isn’t as helpful as reassuring the individual that you’re taking them seriously, that you want to help (even if you can’t), and that you think they’re worth listening to.

Damaris Aragon, ARNP, BC provides a full spectrum of mental health care to people in Spokane, Washington, and surrounding areas. She focuses on providing personalized, compassionate care that adheres to current evidence-based standards. Reach out to Damaris through her contact page or calling 509-342-6592.