In the movie Black Swan, Nina is consumed with becoming the perfect ballerina for a demanding role. She mutilates and tortures herself with her inability to be anything less than flawless. In our society, being a perfectionist is treated as some kind of badge of honor. It’s held up to be a sign of relentless excellent, a hallmark of greatness. It’s none of those things, but perfectionism does get good press. It’s true that a powerful drive to do better, to be better leads to great outcomes, but what is the price that’s paid in the process?
Anxiety and perfectionism go together more often than you might think[1]. Perfectionism sometimes develops as a coping skill for being on the receiving end of harsh criticisms. Young people absorb the feeling they’re not good enough and can never be good enough from early life experiences. They carry that judgment into their adult lives, where it turns into an internal goad to never be satisfied, not just with their performance, but as people. That leads to anxiety, depression and other psychological disorders[2]. Perfectionism is more significant than a flawed way of thinking; it’s a way of life that took root early on in life.
Consider the following questions. Do they resonate with you or describe a loved one?
Are You a Perfectionist?
Do you:
- Judge things in absolute terms? Is your work perfect or terrible? Are you a winner or a loser in everything?
- Apply your own “high standards” for everyone and everything in your life?
- Feel like a failure if you’re not 100% perfect? If you’re less than the absolute best, do you feel like a loser?
- Think your worth as a person is dependent on your achievements?
- Obsess about small failures more than you appreciate your successes?
- Think in terms of “should” a lot? “I should do this better,” or “things should be fair?”
- Have trouble seeing your successes?
- Feel guilt or regret when you’re not 100% perfect?
Outcomes of Perfectionism
Like Nina the ballerina, perfectionists are willing to harm themselves, perhaps more indirectly, if it brings about their idea of perfection because it relieves terrible anxiety. The quest for flawless performance—and flawless existence—is a lot like the anxiety-relieving rituals of those people suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Problems from Perfectionism
- A lack of satisfaction with work
- A constant state of frustration with other people and disappointment in relationships
- Chronic anxiety that develops into an anxiety disorder
- Chronic health troubles. Anxiety disorders and chronic stress are associated with stomach problems, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, high blood pressure, muscle pain and chronic fatigue.
Perfectionism can be successfully treated in psychotherapy. Psychotherapy for perfectionism involves challenging and unlearning rigidly-held and unrealistic ideas, as well as treatment for anxiety.
If you or someone you love is laboring under the burden of perfectionism, contact your local Spokane mental health professional. Reach out to Damaris through her contact page or calling 509-342-6592.
[1] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0005796798000837
