Good interpersonal relationships that lift us up and support us are a fundamental pillar of mental health, but sometimes those around us aren’t supportive at all. They may find ways to tear us down, and one common way some people go about it is gaslighting. We hear a lot about gaslighting in the media, but what does it mean, and how does it affect good mental health?

In brief, gaslighting is a means by which one person deliberately manipulates another to cause the victim to doubt their perception of reality. Gaslighting is common in bad relationships and may be thought of as a kind of passive-aggressive behavior. Like passive-aggressive behavior, gaslighting is an indirect way to display aggression and hostility.[1]

Common signs of gaslighting include:

  • Chronic lying. Gaslighters lie about everything from the trivial to the critical, all the while insisting that their victim is lying, distorting the truth, or losing a grip on reality.
  • Hurtful sarcasm directed towards the victim.
  • Subtle put-downs that attempt to make the victim feel incompetent or inadequate.
  • Negative social comparisons
  • Gaslighters place blame with no proof onto their victims, again by creating a false narrative of reality.
  • Persistent blaming from the gaslighter
  • Second-guessing yourself
  • Feeling like your perception of reality is wrong

Gaslighting destroys a person’s ability to trust in themselves, undermines their perceptions, and attacks the validity of their experiences The purpose of gaslighting is to create a false narrative in which the victim is always less valid than the gaslighter and thus dependent on the gaslighter. It is deeply manipulative and a form of emotional abuse.

People who engage in gaslighting may be narcissists. Narcissists see themselves as the most important person in the world. They lack any hint of empathy and are profoundly self-absorbed. They love having an audience and will do anything to keep a partner in their orbit. However, narcissists will also gaslight their partners to keep them full of self-doubt and dependent on the narcissist.

Dealing with a narcissist is very challenging.

Damaris Aragon, ARNP, BC provides a full spectrum of mental health care to people in Spokane, Washington, and surrounding areas. She focuses on providing personalized, compassionate care that adheres to current evidence-based standards. Reach out to Damaris through her contact page or calling 509-342-6592.
 

 

[1] https://www.healthline.com/health/gaslighting#:~:text=Gaslighting%20is%20a%20form%20of,they%20question%20their%20own%20sanity