Most of us try to assert control over our lives, and that’s both natural and good. Failing to exert some measure of control over ourselves causes us to drift through life, becoming a witness, instead of a participant in life.
Control issues, however, are more often a feature of a person’s character that seeks to have control over all aspects of one’s life, other people, all facets of work and personal life. Obviously, it’s impossible to have that much power. Perfectionists typically have significant control issues.
You don’t have to be a full-blown “control freak” to recognize issues with:
- Problems letting go–of anything
- Trouble delegating at work or home, even in leisure activities
- Micro-management
- Feelings of insecurity or fear if others are in charge
- Lack of confidence in others
- Irritability and anger when things don’t go exactly the way you want them to go
- Feeling a deep need for control and acute discomfort when you don’t have it
- Efforts to change other people
- Lots of interpersonal conflict, with frequent fault-finding of others
- Trouble handling an emergency. People with control issues try their best to prevent problems and crises from developing, to such a degree they have trouble managing when things go off the rails.
Most people engage in perfectionism from time to time or in certain areas of life. People who are nearly full-time perfectionists may feel the need to achieve perfection constantly. They might also:
- Not be able to perform a task unless they know they can do it perfectly.
- View the end product as the most important part of any undertaking. As a result, they may focus less on the process of learning or completing a task to the best of their ability.
- Not see a task as finished until the result is perfect according to their standards.
- Procrastinate. People with perfectionism may not want to begin a task until they know they can do it perfectly.
- Take an excessive amount of time to complete a task that does not typically take others long to complete.
Examples Of Perfectionist Behavior
Most people want to achieve success, but working hard to reach your goals does not always indicate perfectionistic behavior. People who are perfectionists typically believe that nothing they do is worthwhile unless it is perfect. Instead of being proud of their progress, learning, or hard work, they might constantly compare their work to the work of others or fixate on achieving flawless output.
Even when people with perfectionistic traits get their desired results, they may still be unsatisfied. They may feel that if they truly were perfect, they would not have had to work so hard to achieve their goals.
Some examples of perfectionism include:
- Spending 30 minutes writing and rewriting a two-sentence email.
- Believing that missing two points on a test is a sign of failure.
- Difficulty being happy for others who are successful.
- Holding oneself to the standards of others’ accomplishments or comparing oneself unfavorably and unrealistically to others.
- Skipping class or avoiding a chore because it is pointless to make an effort unless perfection can be achieved.
- Focusing on the end product rather than the process of learning.
- Avoiding playing a game or trying a new activity with friends for fear of being shown up as less than perfect.
Damaris Aragon, ARNP, BC provides a full spectrum of mental health care to people in Spokane, Washington and the surrounding areas. She focuses on providing compassionate personalized care that adheres to current evidence-based standards. Reach out to Damaris through her contact page or calling 509-342-6592.
